This post is dedicated to my dearest man (this is the first time I admit someone as a man, a truly gentle man) in the whole world (hope it's not too soon to say this that you're getting scared of me).. as you wish me to explore my deepest heart, listen carefully to what it's trying to tell, and reveal it to the world via this very simple blog.. so here it goes, babe! :)

For my dearest man,
I know I might disappoint you when you know that this is such a very simple note. It's not a beautiful poem you wish me to author. It doesn't even rhyme. This is just a simple way for me to speak how I feel about you, starting from the surface of my mind until the deepest of my heart

~ You are good looking, you really are.. You get me stunned ~
~ Among all guys' smiles I see, your smile is the sweetest and it catches my eyes most of the time ~
~ You smell awesome.. I don't think it comes from your perfume.. Don't ask me, I have no idea either ~
~ When you're drunk, you may seem dumb but in a cute way.. Please don't get drunk too often :) ~
~ O yeah, the way you express your ideas and present it in front of us.. It shows how hard and responsibly you do your jobs ~
~ Actually, it's the way you talk.. Simply shows that you're so polite and gentle ~
~ Do you have any idea why I laugh myself hard seeing the way you choose your words? YOU ARE SO DAMN FUNNY.. Just admit it, you're talented in a special way.. You know what I mean :P ~
~ You're the coolest man I've ever known for the way you react, baby ~
~ You're the most comforting person I ever lean on for the way you listen to me and hug me when I'm about to cry  ~
~  Helpful, diligent, and friendly.. Yes, dear. That voting says the truth.. ~
~  When you sing to me that 'Untitled' song by Maliq & D' Essential, oh God, I swear my heart almost stops beating.. ~
~  The way you reveal your feelings towards me in a very weird and unique way, it makes me undeniably happy.. ~

~ errr... ~

Okay, I must admit now. I'm getting confused about what more to say.. 
Could you please see my heart or simply see and feel what my heart is trying to tell you?

I'm just so in love with you, my dearest man..Happiness just easily happens when I'm with you... And I'm so glad to know that every little thing you do could simply drive me crazy about you..

well, I heart you, my dear man.
at least now you know that you finally succeed doing what this quote says “Hidup itu menjadi lebih berarti saat hidup itu bisa memberikan hidup kepada kehidupan yang lain.”.  :)

Gw mau mencoba mendefinisikan perasaan kecewa dr sudut pandang gw:


- Kecewa muncul saat kau menggantungkan harapanmu pada seseorang dan dia tahu kau sangat berharap padanya tapi secara disengaja atau tidak dia membuyarkan semua harapanmu. Perasaan kau saat itu adalah : kecewa stadium akhir, menangis, dan menyesali kebodohanmu karena meletakkan harapanmu pada orang yang tidak tepat. -


- Kecewa adalah suatu perasaan yang memenuhi ruang di dadamu sehingga engkau merasa sesak ketika semua janji yang diucapkan kepada dirimu hanyalah kata-kata tidak berarti yang keluar dari lidah yang tak bertulang, ketika janji itu diingkari keberadaannya, ketika janji hanyalah omong kosong belaka. Perasaanmu saat itu adalah : marah dan kesal, lalu kepercayaanmu terhadap orang itu dengan cepatnya pecah berkeping-keping atau malah menghilang bagai asap. -


- Kecewa adalah suatu reaksi yang sulit untuk dihindari, begitu mudah untuk mencuat ke permukaan ketika kenyataan yang terjadi tidak sesuai dengan rencana, harapan, dan keinginan kita sebagai manusia -- yang walaupun keberadaannya disertai dengan serentet alasan logis dan manusiawi -- tetap saja menyakitkan. Perasaan yang kau alami adalah : kacau, kau ingin mencaci maki tapi kau tak punya wewenang untuk itu. -


That's how I'm feeling..
God, may I be a bit selfish just to run for my own happiness, my really own happiness? :((

You're the one
whom I have no fear to dance with, I love to sing a song for...


You're the one
who's always there for me whenever my heart dials 911...


You're the one
who lends me your shoulder just exactly at the moment my eyes can't hide the tears anymore...


You're the one
who comes as the very first thought in the morning and the last at my nightfall...


You're the one
who makes me become a bit greedy for having you by my side 24/7...


You're the one
whom I always pray the happiness for each night...


You're the one
who never succeed making me hate you just because you ignore and hurt me...


You're the one
who takes away my pains and fears just by one smile, one touch, one word, and one hug..


You're the one
who's behind my tears and smiles..

You're the one
whose heart I treasure the most, arms I found my heaven at, hands I long to hold, lips I'd love to kiss, name I shout loud inside, eyes I see the stars..



Oh God, I hate the way I could never hate you.. I love you more and more each day..
God, if only I could ask for a miracle in my life just once, please make him feel the same way for me from now onwards until forever and a day..

tik tok tik tok!


tinggal tunggu itungan waktu.. kesabaran gw ada batasnyaa...


jangan sampe gw meledak deh! ~!#$%^&*()_+

it's supposed to be a positive change.. isn't it? aahahaha..


dl pas jaman kuliah mah.. susaaa bener bgn pagi.. dulu bangun pagi itu menurut gw bikin badan lemes, ga bersemangat.. selaen itu bikin gw jd boros! knapa? oke.. jadi gini, kalo gw  bangun pagi, otomatis stlh ngulet2 ria di ranjang, pasti gw lsg melakukan rutinitas pagi hari, yaitu menjawab panggilan alam di WC kost tercintah.. abis itu pastinya perut gw jd kosong donk?? ya ya ya?? ya jadi laper deh.. kalo laper kudu beli makan deh keluar.. pdhal klo mkn paginya anak kost mah tanggung.. jam 10 gitu.. yg ada tar jam 2 ato 3an gw pasti laper lagi.. (FYI, gw orangnya emg laperan)... nah itu tuh.. bikin gw mengeluarkan nominal yang seharusnya bisa gw save untuk makan siang n makan malam.. oleh karena itu, dahulu kala gw pendukung fanatik "jangan ngaku anak kost imut kalo ga bangun siang".. **apa coba.. =,=**


tapi eh tapi.. sejak kerja.. mau ga mau sebagai manusia dan warga negara yang berdedikasi bertanggung jawab beriman bertakwa dan taat pancasila, gw harus memenuhi panggilan tugas dari alam kerja (halah2.. ) ... sejak kerja, gw jadi rajin.. alarm gw sekarang gw setel sampe 3x : jam 06.00, 06.45, n 07.00 supaya gw kebangun ga lebih dr jam 7 dan gw jadi punya waktu siap2 1 jam.. waktu yg mepet sbenernya untuk seorang Melissa bersiap2.. tapi tak apa.. ahhaha...  dan ga tau sejak kapan, walopun dari dalem hati dah bener2 gw niatin untuk bangun siang pas wiken n hari libur, sekarang malah jadi ga bisa bangun lebih dari jam 8.. mata gw dah kek ada schedulernya. begitu jam 8, langsung terbuka... huaaaa.. padahal daku kan ingin memeluk gulingku dan menikmati tidur mpe siang.. mpe puas.. mpe maknyooosss.. tapi apa daya, kalo bangun lebih dari jam 8 sekarang malah badan gw jadi sakit2 semua.. what happen to me, God? >,<


dah ah.. laper.. **tetep laperan.. wkwkwkwk**

Layaknya orang-orang yg hobi menulis diary, mood n sikon gw belakangan ini emang lagi memotivasi gw untuk menulis hal-hal nggak penting seputar kehidupan, perasaan, respon, tindakan dan persepsi gw akan berbagai hal yang terjadi di sekeliling gw. Yah mana tau kan suatu hari nanti ternyata buku harian elektronik gw ini bakal dijadikan film seperti buku diarynya Helen Keller.. jiaaahhh ngarep! **bangun Mel, bangun!**


Nggak perlu jauh-jauh ato repot-repot ngomongin gosip Sheilla Marcia yang jadi single parent, KD yang baru putus dari Raul, si Farrel yang amnesia.. (** kok jadi ngomongin sinetron??! **). Cukup menanggapi hal-hal yang terjadi di sekitar gw, baik itu hal yang baik maupun yang buruk, yang besar maupun yang kecil, yang indah maupun yang jelek, yang gendut maupun yang kurus, yang jahat maupun yang baik, yang tinggi maupun yang rendah, yang panjang maupun yang maupun yang pendek, ini gw lagi ngomong apaahh??? krik krik krikk..


Salah satu hal simpel yang terjadi secara rutin belakangan ini yang cukup menguras waktu dan tenaga gw setiap harinya tak lain tak bukan adalah (jeng jeng.. cisss .. demmmm) KERJAAN.
For all readers having had working experience, you must remember how it felt the very first day you 'officially' work. How was it? Good, uh? Gw juga gitu.. Walopun notabene-nya gw pernah ngerasain jadi seorang Part-timer and Freelancer, tapi beda coy rasanya jadi seorang Full-time employee. Ibaratnya orang jatuh cinta, kerja di hari pertama juga rasanya begitu bagi gue. Malem sebelum kerja tidur rasanya tak nyenyak, pagi-paginya bangun dengan bersemangat buat mandi dan memilih-milih outfit apa yang paling bagus untuk 'mempercantik' penampilan di kantor, selama di jalan deg-deg'an takut nyasar dan telat datang ke kantor, sampe di kantor menjadi karyawan paling rajin dan teladan dengan datang setengah jam lebih awal, pasang muka cupu dan ramah karena masih 'newbie', eh pas jam kerja malah bengong bin cengo' ngeliatin orang-orang pada sibuk kerja sedangkan gw TIDAKTAHUMAUNGAPAIN. hahaha..
Hari-hari awal bekerja bisa dibilang surga, masih nyantai belum dapet banyak kerjaan yang aneh-aneh. Masih polos belum tau apa-apa tentang pusingnya tanggung jawab yang harus dipikul. Muka masih ceria dan rambut masi tertata rapi di tempatnya karena belum tugas yang menumpuk menjelang deadline.. Surga oh surga.. :))
Sekarang? Nampaknya rambut-rambut mulai melingkar-melingkar membentuk keriting karena kepala terasa panas saat mengerjakan pekerjaan yang dihibahkan. Laci kerja sudah mulai sesak oleh kertas-kertas tugas. Dan entah kenapa tiba-tiba hari Jumat menjadi begitu indah seakan gw berada di awang-awang 'besok wiken loh'.. =P
But, I'm loving my job. I have to! :)


Kehidupan baru di kost baru..! Ayeee! Terasa seperti merdeka dari jaman penjajahan. Senang dan bebas sekali gw dari cengkeraman kost lama. Ada apa di sana? Nggak penting dan nggak etis juga rasanya untuk gw bahas disini. Yang jelas di kost baru ini, mantap dah. Ganti suasana setelah 3,5 tahun kuliah nggak pernah pindah kost. Emang sih, di kamar ini jadi tidak ada aura 'mahasiswi' seperti di kamar gw yang lama itu & buanyak banget juga kenangan dari yang manis, pahit, kecut (spt ketek mimi.. loh kok ada mimi??! =P) yang gw tinggalkan di kamar itu. Tapi sudahlah, biarlah itu jadi potongan kecil dari kenangan yang suatu hari gw bisa bagikan ke orang-orang yang memang membutuhkan.. hehehehe...


Udah ah.. bingung mw tulis apa lagi.. mau loncat-loncat vampir dulu biar mengurangi lemak.. Mana tau kan tar gw bisa jadi skinny kek Jennifer Aniston.. wuakakakaka...


smell ya later.. :D

1. Apa iya dengan menangis bisa menyelesaikan mslh?? Apa iya menangis bisa bikin lega?? Gimana cara coba? Menangis kan bikin mata bengkak.. bikin idung jd meler.. bibir jd dower.. yg ada muke tambah jelek.. mata pedes.. mlh jd mslh baru.. Tapi kalo soal bikin lega, ya emg bener si sedikit.. Kadang2 gw ngerasa stlh nangis agak 'plong' gmana gitu.. Bagaimanakah cara Tuhan merancang mekanisme kerja air mata yang sedemikian hebatnya melepaskan sedikit beban dan penat dari pikiran atau perasaan? **bahasa gw.. najis.. =,= **


2. Entah kenapa ya dari pertama kali jadian mpe sekarang gw selalu merasa.. masa2 pidikiti alias penjajakan itu justru terasa lebih menarik.. Dimana masing2 pihak berjuang buat dapetin cintanya (cih cih cuih).. Masa2 dimana si cewek ngerasa deg2an nunggu telpon n sms dari si cowok gebetan.. Masa2 dimana si cowok lagi sibuk2nya memutar otak buat mendapatkan perhatian n simpati dr sang cewek.. Indah bener dah.. kek lagu Jatuh Cinta-nya Project Pop. Tapi kok kalo dah jadian hanya sekian persen yg berhasil membuat perasaan spt itu bertahan terus terus dan terus?? Bahkan ga jarang yang mulai menunjukkan 'sifat asli'nya. Yah gpp juga sih, emg harus jd diri sendiri.. tapi apa iya cara u mencintai n menunjukkan perhatian harus berubah juga?


3. Pengen banget balik ke masa-masa SMA, tepatnya kelas 3 IPA 3.. Kelas paling gokil sedunia yang pernah gw temuin.. Waktu itu belom kenal ama yg namanya Realita Kehidupan.. (oekhh)... Indahnya mempelajari kimia, biologi, fisika dan matematika setiap hari.. Indahnya masa2 berolahraga mulut (baca : bergosip) pas pelajaran Olahraga.. Indahnya mengisi waktu luang di kelas dgn bermain Truth or Dare.. Indahnya mengerjai guru2 di saat pelajaran tambahan.. Oh senangnyaa...


4. How do we know that he/she is the right one for us, that he/she is the one who's destined to be our soul mate? Apa ada indikatornya gitu?? Apa mgkn gt kek di serial 'Summer Scent' begitu ketemu tiba2 jantung berdetak cepat dan tiba2 ada soundtrack lagu korea mellow mengiringi?? **lebaiiii** Ato mungkin ada penampakan cupid yang lagi siap2 nancepin panah ke hati ?? Ato mgkn ada sirinenya gitu?? spt pas kebakaran?? aneh..


5. Siapa yang punya external HD?? pinjem donk... ogut mw format kompie.. =,=


6. Dia dah tidur lom ya?? lagi apa yaa?? Lagi mikirin gw jg ga ya?? Ato jangan2... hais...


7. Nasgor special di pertigaan td kagak ada pedes2nya sama sekali.. porsinya juga makin dikid.. tau gitu gw makan di ganda sari aja.. =,=


8. Aduh2.. krismon lagi krismon lagi.. wkwkwkwk...


9. Mie Apen, Laucupan, Bakso Sony, Martabak Telor...


10. Semoga dia baca ini.. semoga!


Dah ah.. capek.. babai.. kisskiss.. *Muacchh**

makin jauh saja.. 
ini perasaan gw saja ato emg nyata adanya?




makin sulit saja..
ini perasaan gw saja ato emg nyata adanya?




makin ga mengerti semuanya..
ini perasaan gw saja ato emg nyata adanya?




sepi.. sepi .. sepi.. nyata adanya.. **need a shoulder**.. where r u when i needed u? :(

First of all, I'd like to thank God for everything.. for His bless allowing me to start new journey in my life..


Today, finally, I get the 2 jobs.. Now I have to think over about which one I should take.. Many things to be considered so I won't regret my decision.. hmm..


Huge huge thanks for my God.. for my parents, my big love who don't want to be called "PoHH", my friends who always support me..  thanks for being my "pom-pom" when I was down.. i love u all..


 I know, I do know that this is the new beginning of the next stage of my life.. so God, please don't be bored to bless me.. I want to do and give my best for all of my beloved ones.. :)

I love your eyes..
I love the way you look at me
and how you always can make me feel so blessed
to be loved by someone so extraordinary like you... :)


I love your smile..
I love the way you laugh out loud
when you hear my jokes or when I fake your "weird" behavior
and how you can always make me feel that
there is always someone so special like you listening to me.. :)


I love the palms of your hands..
I love the way you touch me,
the way you punch me so softly, the way you tickle me,
the way you try to drag and hold me so close and tight
and how it can always make me feel so warm
just to stay beside you.. :)


I love the moments I spent with you..
the unique terms we create together..
I love your voice..
I love your smell..


I just love everything about you.. I'm crazy about it.. and I'm missing you so much.. =,=

I still remember the very first time we met
the moment you started to play with my hair
the moment you made me laugh at your jokes
and you taught me how to laugh with you


I still remember after that we walked into our own world
we shared stories we'd never told anyone else
we spent our amazing times together
and pictured how beautiful our life would be in the future, of course, our one future..


I still remember that we both thought we had been walking the same path
but somehow one day we found it wrong..
and I still remember clearly that we cried together
for what had happened to us...


I still remember that now you're not mine anymore
and I can't even say how hurt it is to see you sitting alone in the class
to see you trying hard to look happy and tough
to see you .. not with me anymore...


It's hard.. so hard..
I think this is the hardest break-up I've ever done..
Coz with you I felt a million unpredictable feelings and emotions


Please promise me you will be very happy..
Promise me to always take care of yourself..
Promise me that someday we'll meet on some street corner and give a best true smile at each other..
Promise me that you will never regret this
and I will be happy..

just some craps for today..


about how I am feeling recently..


~ feel so scared ~
Hearing the news about the earthquake prediction in Lampung, my beloved hometown in which my beloved ones live, I can't even sleep tight worrying how if it really is going to happen.. I can't even imagine it.. there's nothing I can do but surrendering it to the hand of JC and praying that He will always protect all of us in His arms..


~ feel so worried ~
about my thesis, it seems like I get another obstacle. why is it so hard for my team to get data needed for our thesis? there are still a lot of things that we have to do for our thesis.. =,= I still wonder the ways to keep me calm about this thesis thing.. I don't want to disappoint my parents, I really don't.. T_T


~ feel so sad ~
sometimes goodbye, though it hurts your heart, it's the only way for this to be.. yeph! it hurts.. but I do think we've taken the right decision.. I want him to be happy, and if living without me can make him happy, I am sure to do it.. I'm sorry I can't be what you want.. seems like I make you upset thousand times.. wish u a lifetime of happiness..


~ longing for you ~
for someone, i have all this longing in my heart for you.. but I can't even touch you.. do you feel the same? Everything you are makes me miss you more and more and more..




yeah.. this post is really just a crap..! =,= sorry I'm not in the mood to write something good.. this is just how I'm feeling at the moment..

i am so damn stupid.. so damn bad girl.. so damn nothing for u...


i can hardly breathe..


there's just a big empty hole here... in my heart..


can't say anything anymore...


this is how I feel..




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I'm feeling like a song without the words
a man without a soul
a bird without its wings
a heart without a home...
I'm feeling like a knight without the sword
the sky without a sun
coz u are the one..


I'm feeling like a ship beneath the waves
a child who's lost its way
a door without a key
a face without a name..
I'm feeling like a breath without the air
and every day's the same
since u've gone away


I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
you used to be the one that put a smile on my face
there are no words that can describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday


and I'm never gonna leave your side..
and I'm never gonna leave your side anymore
still holding on boy
I won't let you go
coz when I'm lying in your arms
I know I'm home


They tell me that a man can lose mind
Living in the pain
Recalling times gone by
or crying in the rain
You know I've wasted half of time
and I'm on my knees again
till you come to me


I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
you used to be the one to put a smile on my face
there are no words that could describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday


I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on boy
I won't let you go
coz when I'm lying in your arms
I know I'm home...




**miss you this much...

seperti apa yg dah gw blg kmrn.. liburan gw start dr hr ini...


bs tdr mpe siang tnp hrs takut telat kul.. wkkkk.. **ktawa setan...
hr ini aja gw br bangun jam 11.. see?? kebo2 dlm diri gw mulai bangkit! =,=


stlh bgn, gw bingung mw ngapain.. mw mandi males... rencanany ini hari jam 2an gt mw ke JNE bwt urus mslh skripsi.. eh batal.. bsk jam 9 pagi jadinya.. waqs... jd makin bingung saia menemukan alasan yg tepat utk mandi.. (alibi seorg pemalas).. wkk.. jgnkan mandi, gerakin jempol aja saya malas.. hahaha...




muncullah ide bwt ajak jalan anak2.. tp saya baru ingat... mereka br kelar ujian tar sore.. hiks2... gw coba hubungin Hilda bwt jalan.. itung2 dah lama ga ktmuan ma yayank gw yg satu ini.. wkakakak... eh dy lg di Serpong.. huhuhu..




suda lah.. kupikir lebi baik daku menggila saja sndiri.. gw buka de tu winamp setel mpe volume max tus nyanyi2 dehh... wakakaka.. tp lama2 cape n bosen jg.. T_________________T




trnyata rasanya liburan tanpa ada sapa2 di samping kita tu begini rasanya...


SEPI.. BINGUNG... DUNNO WHAT TO DO...


dasar manusia.. wkkk.. tapi asli deh.. coba kalo di sini ada cumi, pasti gw ga bingung kek gini.. hiks2.. cumi jeleekkk... miss u already.. ~,~


ah kalo misalnya di kost liburan tp tak ada kerjaan n tak ada yg menemani spt hari ini, gw jd pengen cepat2 pulang saja.. kangen2an ma mama, papa, n yuyu.. pengen menikmati buffet di hum tercintah.. pengen jln2 ke pantai.. pengen ke mana ajahh.. yg penting deket ma org2 yg gw sayang... hihiihi...




jd apa intinya blog gw hari ini?? bingung ya?? sama! wakakaka... pokoknya menurut gw liburan itu kalo ga ada kerjaan n ga bareng2 ma org yg kita sayang kerasa jd hari2 yg amat sangat membosankaaaaaaannnnnn.. jd lewat sia2 gitu aja.. ksian deh.. keknya dikasi waktu ma Tuhan tapi ga dipake bwt melakukan hal2 yg berguna.. hik2... dah ah cape.. dadahh.. mw cari2 kerjaan n tmn dl.. mmuaachhh2!!

Dengan berakhirnya ujian KM (baca : Kupret Menejemen) hari ini, saya resmikan berakhirnya semester 6 yg penuh keringat dan peluh (bau donkk?! wkkk) serta darah yg mengalir menganak sungai.. **hiperbolissss...**


berakhirlah sudah masa2 pusing ngerjain tugas2 yg segambreng2 dr Mr. Parto yg bikin anak2 PRM stresss... tugas bikin paper totolan dan tugas2 laen yg tdk ada apa2ny dibandingkan dg kesaktian Mr. Parto dalam memberikan kerjaan yg tak ada habisnya.. terdengar lebai memang tp itulah kenyataannya...




berakhirlah juga masa2 tegang setiap kali bakal kuliah Oracle krn terbebani kuis kuis n kuis.. huhuhu... eh salah.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! senangnyaaaa!!




berakhirlah juga masa2 kebersamaan dan masa2 menggila bersama anak2 06 PKM n PRM.. terutama anak2 PRM yg gokil2.. sedih ga ya?? dblg sedih ga diblg ga tp iya.. soalny semester 7 msi bs ktmu kok ma anak2 PRM...wakakaka...




spt kt pepatah "Dmn ada perpisahan disitu ada perjumpaan"...eit! ga kebalik... emg bnr.. mksd gw.. kalo kita mengakhiri sesuatu pst juga ada awal utk sesuatu yg baru..


dg berakhirnya semester 6, gw akan say "Welcome" bwt masa2 liburan n semester 7.. semester terakhir di Binus (aminnnnn!!!)... semester dmn gw akan mulai menyusun masa depan gw.. skripsi gw yg tentu aja akan sangat menentukan kelulusan gw dr Binus ini nih... kelulusan gw yg akan membawa gw masuk k dunia kerja..yessss!! bs cari duit sendiri.. bs kasi mama duittt.. amin2!!




so semangat2, Mel!! lupakanlah ujian KM yg malang td.. yg bikin u speechless.. wakakkaka.. **efek stres ga bs ngerjain KM.. boro2 ngerjain..soalny suru apa aja gw ga ngerti... =,=

day by day, u become harder to understand..
is it me or you who becomes so complicated?


u know exactly what I like and what I hate..
u understand deeply what I want and what I don't..
u know it all, but why do you keep disappointing me by doing all the things I hate?


must I declare that I need you to listen to me before you decide or even refuse what I'm trying to say?
must I speak it thousand times just to make it really clear?


must I say it with tears falling upon my cheeks just to make you understand that you can't just ignore me this way?
must I whisper it million times until you get sick of my words?




I've been trying to always listen to every single words you say,
to be everything you need,
to fulfill your everywish as hard as I can be...




Could I go anywhere for you, I would.. and you know it exactly..


but you close your eyes as if you couldn't see it, as if you couldn't feel it..
seems like you never see me..




somehow I am already weary to define where the line between what is real and what is not..
tell me please.. what is real from you and what is not.. is this real??